A Lousy, Rotten Life
by Incarnation of Zero
Summary: A normal city boy is given the opportunity to take over his father's farm- but there some things in Forget-Me-Not valley that simply make no sense whatsoever. Mysteries, delusions, and the idiotic reality of life will now haunt Jack Stark...for as long as he lives.


_**A/N:** This is my new story, based off HM: AWL. Now that I've got a whole summer of nothing ahead of me, I hope to update this a few times in the coming months._ **  
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_**Disclaimer:** I don't own Harvest Moon. End of._

* * *

**A Lousy, Rotten Life**

_The Wonderful Prologue of Complete Lunacy_

Takakura stepped into the barn, where his best friend was currently taking care of most of the farm's livestock.

"Tak?"

"Yeah?" Takakura grumbled; he'd never liked that nickname.

"Did I ever tell you about my family?"

"Just a bit..." More like he couldn't shut up about them, but that's just minor details.

"My darling wife... so beautiful, so proud, so caring... such a shame she left me..."

Takakura decided against responding to that.

"My son... oh, my wonderful, mature son, so intelligent, so strong..."

Again, no response.

"... I want to ruin his life," David Stark declared, turning to face Takakura, chainsaw in hand.

Takakura was rendered speechless. Not literally, obviously.

"I'll leave him this farm, and when he's old enough, he can take over," David explained, turning the chainsaw on.

Only one person in the world truly knows what happened that day.

* * *

I suppose you could say I have no direction in life.

But then again, I never had much to work with. My family is awkward to say the least, to the point where my mother's death was a relief and I really don't need to hear it about my siblings.

My dad though...

He had a farm. Um, cool, but at the same time, laaaaame.

So when his supposed best friend, Takakura, tells me that the farm is mine now, well, you know what the answer is.

"Oh god yes," was what came of my mouth instead, surprising everyone around me, including myself.

But hey, it can't be so bad, I never liked my previous city life anyway.

...Those were my thoughts right up until we made it to my father's old house. 'Old' being the key word here.

"Please don't tell me this is it," I said, unsure of what I should be feeling.

"This is it," Takakura said frankly. He seemed like a no-nonsense man.

Which is good with me. I like things when they make sense.

... Well, okay, things weren't adding up here. Why was this farm completely empty? Hadn't Takakura been working here since my father died?

"Okay, let's move on," I eventually said, not wanting to be disrespectful.

I was shown each part of the farm, and given a neat little tutorial for everything. At least I wasn't being thrown into a life with nothing to work with.

Hold on a second. I _did_ have nothing to work with. There was literally _nothing_ here.

As Takakura finished explaining the chicken coop, which, surprise surprise, was empty, two puppies approached us, both desperate for a home.

_Ah, great timing! You can have the whole farm! I'll just be going back to the city-_

"They seem to like you..."

_Goddammit._

"Do you want to keep one?"

"I wouldn't dream of separating them," I quickly replied, "I mean, they look like such great pals an' all..."

They were currently shoving each other out of the way, attempting to gain my full attention.

"...I'll take the long eared one," I said, seeing no way to back out.

"Okay. Now give him a name."

_Wait, what? I have to name him, too?_

_I miss the internet..._

"Um...er..."

Takakura was staring at me, his expression unwavering.

I think I gulped out loud. I'm not too sure, though.

I hope not.

"...Schneider!"

_Of course! What better name for my new dog than that of my deceased cat!_

_This is going to get real depressing._

We moved on after that; Takakura had no comment about my choice of name.

He opened the door to the barn and motioned for me to follow. Already fearing for my life, I followed against my own better judgement.

Inside the rather spacious barn was a single cow. It looked at me longingly, crushing loneliness showing in its empty eyes-

I quickly broke eye contact, shuddering.

Ugh... Creepy cow. What a wonderful start to my new farm life.

I don't wanna go near that thing.

"I bought you a cow to get started," Takakura was explaining.

_Oh, so she's new? What the hell have you been doing on this farm for all these years?_

_I bet I have to name it, too-_

"...and, she needs a name,"

_Oh for the love of..._

"She? Well, then..."

_If I say 'Bessie' right now I swear, I will slice my own throat-_

"Muffy," I said, once again surprising myself.

The cow didn't approve, though, and stamped on foot before laying down for a nap.

I resisted the urge to swear, and stomped out of the barn.

And _then_ I swore.

Takakura ignored this, and started speaking again, "that's about it... oh, yeah, you need to think of a name for the farm."

I stood, speechless, for a minute, wondering why this farm didn't already have a name.

"What did my dad call it?" I asked, genuinely curious.

Takakura muttered something, but I couldn't quite make it out.

"I can't hear you... can you say that again?"

After a moment, he finally tried again.

"... Starkland."

"You're kidding me."

"No. I'm not."

_Yeah, he doesn't seem like the type who'd joke about this sort of thing..._

"Well, it can keep that name. I kinda like it."

That was a lie; I just couldn't be bothered to think of anything else.

Takakura stared at me, probably having flashbacks of my father. Eventually, though, he said something.

"Oh, yeah, I should probably tell you about the people who live around here..."

_Crazy neighbours! Hooray! Don't be shy, Tak! Tell me all their darkest secrets before I meet them._

* * *

Our first stop was the inn.

"There's Tim, who runs the place, his wife Ruby and their son Rock."

I sized them up briefly; nothing too strange about them at first glance.

_Looks can be deceiving._

"Hi. I'm Jack. Jack Stark. I'll be working on the farm from today on," I greeted politely.

They smiled and politely greeted me in return.

"And there's a girl staying here called Nami," Takakura said, gesturing towards one of the upstairs windows.

_Unsociable bitch._

"So, what's the Inn called?" I asked, a perfectly good conversational starter.

"The Inner Inn," Tim said proudly.

I laughed, loudly and deliriously, at the level of stupidity I had already encountered in this town.

We moved on after that.

"This is Galen, and his wife Nina."

Two old, old people.

_No offense, but Nina looks like she'd keel over at any second._

I didn't say that, though. I'm a nice person.

Instead, I introduced myself, and we moved on to the house next door.

"This is Chris."

_... Nothing too strange about her..._

We met a man in gym wear and a small child in similar attire.

"This is Wally and his son Hugh."

Giving us a quick wave, they continued with their various stretches, Wally unaware that Hugh was probably about to collapse from exhaustion at any minute now.

_I sure hope there's good healthcare around here._

We next found ourselves in front of a bar.

A man with an amazing hairstyle and a smokin' hot girl were there.

"Griffin, who runs the Blue Bar, where Muffy works."

_Same name as my cow? Instant turn off._

I really wanted to laugh at the irony, or at least tell her she shared a name with my cow, but instead I settled for giggling as we went to the next place.

I can't be too sure, but I think Takakura was chuckling, too.

Our next stop was a posh villa that reeked of class and money. Not what I'm used to. We were greeted by an old woman, a man of similar age to her, and a young girl.

"Romana lives here with her granddaughter Lumina. And that's their butler, Sebastian."

_A butler? Oh come on, that's not even fair. What do these rich people even do to deserve a servant?_

Romana waved her umbrella at me-

_More like 'brandished', I don't think she likes me at all._

-while Sebastian merely smiled at me stupidly, doing his job, I guess.

And Lumina was...

Not smiling.

Looking at me curiously.

She's probably the first person who hasn't smiled at me here.

Maybe she realises that she's surrounded by idiots?

After a long walk, we arrived at another farm, where a large woman, a smaller man, and a cute girl were standing around a crop patch.

"Vesta runs a farm just like yours-"

"Oh, a rival, eh?" I said rolling up my sleeves, my foot on the fence.

Takakura snorted, before continuing, "Marlin there is her younger brother, and that girl is Celia, who helps out on this farm."

"Howdy there!" Vesta boomed, not making any effort to disguise the fact she was sizing me up, "you can buy seeds here for your own farm. It's a nice place, but you'll have to work hard to make it as good as mine!"

"Yeah, it needs some work," I admitted, "but mine's called Starkland. Beat that."

I'm not sure why I felt so proud of that name.

Marlin sighed, and walked off, while Celia was watching our exchange with interest.

After a moment, Vesta burst into hearty laughter.

"I like you, kid! I'm sure we'll get along just fine! If you need any tips, feel free to ask!"

I smiled, knowing that I'd probably take her up on that offer several times, before leaving with Takakura.

"There are other people here as well. A painter, a 'mad' scientist, a pair of twins, and a man who does nothing but sit under a tree while playing a guitar. They're all weird, I say," he explained to me.

_They're weird? What about everyone else you've introduced me to? What about you?_

_What about me, for thinking this was a good idea?_

He told me to rest up after we got back to Starkland, so I headed to my new old house.

Where I met fairies.

I was already tired, and ready to pass them off as a delusion, but after about ten minutes of arguing against their existence, I finally gave up and sat down.

That was when one of them punched me in the face.

It hurt a little more than I was expecting, so I barely held in my cry of pain.

"So... who the hell are you?" I asked irritably, desperately wanting to get some sleep.

"We could ask you the same question," the blue pixie thing said.

"Well, I asked first."

"Yes, but we're more important than you," the yellow one said haughtily.

"...Get the hell off my farm."

_I have always wanted to say that._

"Nuh uh, stupid human, we rule this leg of the woods," the red one 'informed' me.

"FYI, little bitch, I live here, and the woods are over there."

"Yeah, but we still own this place."

I really wanted to squish them right now.

Instead, I tried persuading them to leave.

"Listen here, Nic, Nak and Paddywak-"

"My name's Flak."

I paused when the other two didn't correct me.

"Erm... Anyway, piss off."

I strode inside the house, ignoring the little pests.

Hopefully they wouldn't try and siege my farm or something a mad pixie thing would do.

Meh. I'm sure Schneider will chase them away.

I realised then that keeping him may have been a good idea after all.


End file.
